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28 March 2014 @ 04:51 am
Fic: Aunt Clara's Doorknobs  
Title: Aunt Clara's Doorknobs
Fandom: BtVS
Summary: Andrew has been reading the Malleus Maleficarum. Too bad it's wrong.
Note: Written for a prompt at Giles Shorts: demon. How I got doorknobs from that I don't know.
Rating: PG
Characters: Giles, Andrew
Disclaimer: They aren't mine, not yet, but they will be … once I've taken over the world. Bwah-ha-ha!

Xander had boarded the windows with planks. The Potentials were training in the backyard. Andrew came wandering down the stairs. “Giles, what kind of doorknobs do witches prefer?”

Giles was afraid to ask but even more concerned that Andrew would take this to Willow next. “Doorknobs?”

“Yeah, I'm sort of afraid to touch them. I'm not sure which kinds to avoid. Do witches like those glass ones or is polished metal better? Oh, and what about the color? Is silver better than gold? Or maybe they like those long handles.”

“Please tell me you haven't been reading the Malleus Maleficarum.”

Andrew's eyes skittered about the room. “But it's old and the books you use are old.”

“I'm going to tell you this once, Andrew. The Malleus is a load of hogwash. Witches do not … pleasure themselves with doorknobs. Demons do not have cold, er, members.”

“But on Bewitched Aunt Clara collected doorknobs.”

Giles pulled off his glasses and started cleaning them. “Andrew, drop it. I'm fairly certain I do not want Willow turning you into a toad.”

“But let's just say for example …”

“Andrew! Stop or I will turn you into a toad myself.”

(Deleted comment)
Dragon's Phoenix: tigger dragonyphoenix on March 28th, 2014 01:35 pm (UTC)
HAHAHAHAHA!!!! This is perfect!!! As is your reaction. Exactly what I was going for.
velvetwhip: I'm a Bloodsucking Fiend by raebird velvetwhip on March 28th, 2014 06:09 pm (UTC)
Hee! Love it!

Dragon's Phoenix: tigger dragonyphoenix on March 28th, 2014 07:07 pm (UTC)
*laughs* Thank you.
spikesredqueen: willow - kitty smile spikesredqueen on March 28th, 2014 10:31 pm (UTC)
Oh, Andrew... This fic so made me giggle, great job!
Dragon's Phoenix: Francine bliss face dragonyphoenix on March 29th, 2014 12:48 am (UTC)
Thanks. That's exactly the reaction I was going for! ;-)
gilescandy: Giles Harm gilescandy on March 30th, 2014 04:45 am (UTC)
I totally laughed out loud. It's great. I could just see Giles not being able to decide whether to be uncomfortable or annoyed. And I think annoyed won. Thanks for the laugh.
Dragon's Phoenix: tigger dragonyphoenix on March 30th, 2014 05:06 am (UTC)
*squee* awesome icon!

I might work on this again. There was a bit I left out and I may try to see if I can play with Giles' reactions to make it funnier. And yes, annoyed definitely won out. ;-)