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12 April 2013 @ 10:36 am
Fic: Carnival  
Title: Carnival
Fandom: BtVS
Rating: PG-13
Character: Buffy
Concrit: Please, in Comments
Disclaimer: They aren’t mine, not yet, but they will be… once I’ve taken over the world. Bwah-ha-ha!
Word Count: 615
Note: Written for a prompt at Open on Sunday: egg
Note: Yeah, and I'm also making a reference to Green Egg magazine, just 'cause I'm geeky that way!

The clown on stilts should have fallen. Buffy, barely fighting her way through the crowd, couldn't imagine how the clown hadn't yet tumbled to the ground to be trampled by the mass of people pushing and running and shoving every which way. “Six throws, only one ticket for six throws” vied with “Step right this way” and the sounded of a baby shrieking. A couple of boys rocketed past, the second bouncing off Buffy before vanishing into the crowd. An enormously fat woman slid into the spot before Buffy could follow. When the woman stopped and dug through her monster of a purse, people flowed around her like water, blocking Buffy in behind. The woman started moving again, and Buffy took the opportunity to inch past her only to have her foot blocked by a stilt. A half-dozen side-steps, bouncing off of a couple of people in the crowd, dumped Buffy into an alley between two of the booths. The noise dropped away. When Buffy stared back at the carnival, it looked distorted, as if she were viewing it through thick glass.

A noise behind her had Buffy turning. About half-way down the alley she saw a juggler. His clothes, a dull black color, were a few shades darker than the shadows. His face, an almost featureless mask, shone pale in the darkness, all but his lips which were painted bright red. Beside him, above him, before him, a pair of white gloves moved incessantly, continuously tossing and catching a set of eggs. The first two, ordinary buy 'em in the grocery store eggs, were offset by the third, which glowed greenly, trailed by a comet's tail.

The two white eggs, tossed high into the air, were followed by the green, which rose even higher. Buffy gasped. She didn't know why but was sure terrible things would happen if the green egg hit the ground. The juggler's pale face darkened as if he'd stepped into shadows, but it was all shadows. His lips stretched into a grin as thin as the edge of a razor. The two white eggs started to fall. “Round and round and round she goes, when she drops everyone goes..” Buffy thought she heard a muted call of “to hell” when the juggler caught the two white eggs. He didn't toss them back up again but instead clenched his hands shut. Buffy heard the two eggs crack and saw blood flow from the clenched fists.

The green egg, from its zenith, started to fall. The juggler stepped backward, vanishing into the shadows. The egg, the glowing green, fell with no one to catch it. That egg's blood would destroy the world. Buffy threw herself to the ground, stretching her arms out to catch the third egg. Her fingers brushed the edge of its fiery tail before it fell past her and continued down below her, into a void that swirled with pulsating light, the greens and muddy yellows and purples of old bruises. As Buffy tried to reach down into the void, her hand slammed into dirt. The egg continued to fall, becoming smaller and smaller until it vanished in a flash of green light.

“No.” Buffy bolted upright in her bed, memories of a green light fading from her thoughts. Not knowing what drove her, she padded into the hallway, opening the door quietly. She didn't want to wake her sister, afraid that would make it – make something – real. “I won't let anything hurt you.” The words, as they passed her lips, felt like a benediction. She didn't know why she'd said them but imagined the words drifting across the room and settling over the sleeping Dawn like a kiss.
(Deleted comment)
Dragon's Phoenix: Francine angel dragonyphoenix on April 12th, 2013 08:21 pm (UTC)
I hate to tell you that it's editing, editing, editing that made it good! ;-)

This is the fourth draft and particularly the first paragraph changed significantly each time.

And thanks, I was a bit worried it was weird rather than good!
(Deleted comment)
Dragon's Phoenix: spike vamps sparkle dragonyphoenix on April 12th, 2013 08:27 pm (UTC)
My idea of a second draft is rewreite based on the first draft, so yours sounds okay to me.
(Deleted comment)
Dragon's Phoenix: frida and god dragonyphoenix on April 12th, 2013 08:45 pm (UTC)
I find action scenes hard too! For this story, Carnival, I was working mostly on the carnival atmosphere, trying to make it hectic and also making the juggler creepy.
sarah_bellum13 sarah_bellum13 on April 12th, 2013 05:45 pm (UTC)
Good job!
Dragon's Phoenix: frida and god dragonyphoenix on April 12th, 2013 08:19 pm (UTC)
Thank you! *huge grin*
velvetwhip: DB Lips velvetwhip on April 12th, 2013 07:37 pm (UTC)
That was terrific!

Dragon's Phoenix: Francine bliss face dragonyphoenix on April 12th, 2013 08:16 pm (UTC)
Oh thanks. I was afraid it was weird! ;-)
slaymesoftly slaymesoftly on April 13th, 2013 12:19 am (UTC)
Nicely done.
Dragon's Phoenix: i have no mouth and i must squee dragonyphoenix on April 13th, 2013 03:17 pm (UTC)
*grin* Thanks!
Kiki May: Good face kikimay on April 13th, 2013 10:44 am (UTC)
Lovely work.
Dragon's Phoenix: Francine angel dragonyphoenix on April 13th, 2013 03:15 pm (UTC)
Thank you. *huge grin*
Leni: BtVS - Buffy - rough night leni_ba on April 14th, 2013 07:12 am (UTC)
I love dream scenes, and the last paragraph was so sweet. :) Thanks for sharing!
Dragon's Phoenix: Francine bliss face dragonyphoenix on April 14th, 2013 05:13 pm (UTC)
*grin* Thank you!
JaniceO comlodge on April 23rd, 2013 11:46 pm (UTC)
Oh wow. What a brilliant take on the events of The Gift. The blood, the green, the abyss. Abso, frigging brilliant!
Dragon's Phoenix: Francine bliss face dragonyphoenix on April 24th, 2013 06:10 pm (UTC)
*grin* Thank you. I really was going for a creepy feel. ;-)